The Mid-life Transition, Thirty-nine to Forty-Two: Just as some adolescents move into adulthood with relative ease, so some men pass through this period with little apparent Stress. But the Yale group suspect that most men have some difficulty. And those who don’t, or say they don’t, may just be deceiving themselves. For example, several men in their study described themselves as happy, content, and on top of the world. But their psychological testing revealed unconscious themes of despair, humiliation, and disintegration.
“These are men who haven’t yet been able to confront the nature of their fantasies and their unconscious experience,” says Levinson. “There is a crisis in their lives, but they are not yet ready to face it, take responsibility for it, and meet it at a conscious level.”
A major crossroads, this transitional period bristles with threats as well as promises. The man who feels hopelessly trapped in his life pattern, with no imaginable escape, may thrash around wildly—anesthetizing himself with excessive liquor, frenzied work efforts, or compulsive sex. But if he cannot make a meaningful step to enrich his life, and grow further as a human being, he will probably move numbly and mechanically through his remaining years. On the other hand, this period offers an opportunity for personal growth never before possible. The real dividend that comes from a man’s having had a hard time at forty is that his life will be better and richer in the future.
“This transition is not just a little upset, like a cold that you get over,” warns Levinson. “The fact is that there is something very profound happening here; or at least there is that possibility. It is important how much you do change your life. I mean: Take it seriously, man! Don’t just say, ‘If I can hold out I’ll be alright; now that you tell me everybody goes through the same thing I can relax a little bit and I’ll survive it.’ There is more possibility here than just survival— in your job or whatever. And if you try for big changes, you may fail miserably. On the other hand, if you don’t try for changes, you’ll feel dead in a few years—because you’ll be stagnant.”
*32\93\2*
