If his problem is sexual, particularly if he is concerned that he is, or will become, impotent, and sees this as a loss of his masculinity, he needs help. He does not need hormones, but he does need counselling, together with his partner. The aphorism that ‘in a sexual problem there is no uninvolved partner’ is as true in this condition as in others.
If he is depressed, irritable, and unable to see any light at the end of his dark tunnel, he may need help from health professionals: his family doctor, a psychiatrist, or a psychologist. He may be prescribed drugs, but he should be made aware that they are only temporary crutches, until he can ‘find himself again’, able to appreciate and adjust to his middle years.
The process of adjusting to middle age and of overcoming the crisis is neither quick nor painless. Adjustment to reality rarely is. But it is worth while. A middle-aged man may perceive that much of what he once thought of as important is trivial and ridiculous. With this insight he can discover what is important to him. It may mean that he will have to learn new skills. This may cause him anxiety because of the myth that middle-aged people cannot learn easily. It is untrue. Given the motivation, middle-aged people can learn as easily (if rather more slowly) than young people.
Adjusting to middle age means that a man has to redefine his own sense of identity and know what he is – warts and all. It means that he has to give as well as to take. One way in which he can give is to help his partner adjust to her crisis of middle age.
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